“On a Bicycle Built for ….Three?”

You’ll remember the once-popular love song “Daisy Bell” quoting the lyrics “But you’d look sweet upon the seat/ Of a bicycle built for two.” Of course there are some things said prior to this but those are irrelevant less important. I wish this song was on the Top 40 today, not because its brilliantly written or even pleasantly sung but because there is an important message in those aforementioned lyrics. The BICYCLE is built for TWO.

This long winded intro is all to say that I am not a fan of being third-wheeled – in any capacity. If you and your significant other are off intending to enjoy each other’s company, do me a favor and keep the invite list strictly VIP. Do not invite me to a public spectacle of your love, PDA, and other barf-worthy demonstrations because I am capable of eating poorly prepared food and making myself sick whenever the desire strikes. The thing is….the desire NEVER strikes! Believe me, if you search deep enough I’m sure I could muster up some warm and generally supportive feelings toward you and your union, but I do NOT want to be subjected to doing so publicly, and on my own time. If you DO plan to invite me out to join you and your partner for dinner/drinks/the movies or whatever else, please have the decency to act like you would if I were your 93 year old grandmother who is very nearly ready to kick the bucket. In other words, spend time with ME and your SIGNIFICANT OTHER, and do whatever ‘tempted to touch’ foolishness you need to AFTERWARD. I don’t say this to suggest that you should sensor your feelings for one another in public space… in fact, I fully support your right to display and/or demonstrate your love/affection/lust in the public domain. I do not, however, appreciate being invited INTO your space and then subjected to repeated eyesaults (eye-assaults). The last portion of this rant should make clear why I feel the way I do – You were once single! You may not remember, but you were. If you can’t remember what it felt like because it was SOOOOOO long ago <read as: because you are incapable of being alone> then I urge you to try and recall. If you’ve ever been single then you remember what it was like to be invited to a dinner at a friends home only to show up and find out that the invitees were 3 couples and you (true story…and yes, I sat at the head of the table). You remember how awkward it was to make conversation with the couple that were staring at each other while you pretended to check messages on your phone…and you surely remember the awkward “walk behind” or “walk in front” (Cha Cha Slide?) that you did on the sidewalk because you AND a couple won’t fit side-by-side on the pavement. I’m not saying don’t be in love, or don’t be affectionate etc., I’m just saying be mindful. The normalcy of dating/relationships (heterosexual ones at that) are ever-present in our lives, no one needs to be reminded. 

 

Note: I don’t intend to normalize or ascend moral high ground for ‘paired’ relationships. I am fully aware of and respect all variations in consensual coupledom – The bicycle built for two metaphor just fit nicely into this rant so I rode with it, LOL (I know I’m a geek). Peace!

A sucker’s tale…

I must be the most accommodating son of a b***** that I know. 

A recurring theme in my life seems to be that I am taken advantage of. This is in part because I allow myself to be, and in part because others think, and perhaps know, that they can get away with it. A friend asks me to borrow money to help them get through the week … Alright sure I’m a generally helpful person, but… wait?! Didn’t I see you go wine tasting this week? <insert the numerous other examples of frivolous spending that I have witnessed> Why the hell should I have to front a person money to “get through the week” when they can’t budget? Don’t get me wrong, I will get my money back so perhaps this argument is neither here nor there, but I don’t think I should have to bail someone out who isn’t organized/budget-conscious enough to keep their finances in order. I’ve been down to my last dollar on NUMEROUS occasions through this never-ending stint called grad school, but you can be SURE I never asked anyone for a dime. If I don’t have money, I sit my ass at home with the heat turned down eating leftover’s leftovers. Have a little pride and integrity dammit! Am I right?

You are not cleared for takeoff!

I just had half of this post written and it somehow got deleted…..add that to today’s clusterf***

A few days ago a good friend of mine told me she was taking a trip to Germany, where I currently, and temporarily, reside. I was super ecstatic because it would give me a chance to meet up with her toward the end of my nearly 5 month stint here, and travel around some of the area. Keep in mind that she is not traveling here alone, this plan is tripped with 3 of her friends who I have never met. This for me, is a non-issue – mainly because I’m an easy going person and get along with almost everyone, but primarily because I only planned to hang for 6 days.  Today, I receive an email, that I will not quote here, that sums to read something like ‘hey I spoke to the group, one of my friends is uneasy about having you spend the first half of our trip with us given that she doesn’t know you. Do you mind maybe meeting up with us after we have a few days to hang?’ <For the record, I’m making great efforts to paraphrase respectfully and honestly> . To be clear, the friend who invited me is a very close and very dear friend, and I feel terrible for the position that she was put in to have to write me this email – but at the end of the day (and it almost is here in Germany) I am being de-invited from a trip. If for a moment you place yourself in my typically well-worn out shoes, there is absolutely NO appropriate response for ME other than to say “Don’t worry about it, I’ll back out”. Now some of you may argue, ‘well you weren’t de-invited from the trip, just asked to alter your plans somewhat’. This is true, and I have no argument there <well actually I do, but its the least strong of the two arguments>, but who wants to be the bitch who shows up on day 3 like “Hey I was the one ya’ll didn’t want in the beginning…. nice to meet you, let’s explore Europe!” Anyone who knows me knows I AM NOT THE ONE <this is a quote I use often, and will be added to the soon-to-be-created rayquotes page>. I wear my emotions all across my face, and have no intentions to hide them – Sure, I could be the bigger person, change my plans and just head up there and act like nothing happened, but I AM NOT THE ONE. I am the one who would’ve gladly gone on a 6 day trip with a friend and her friends, played nice, been respectful, and hopefully made some new friends in the process.  But to be slighted and then show up later with a smile… Naw ya’ll don’t know me at all! Therefore, I did the only thing that made sense and gracefully bowed out to let them do their vacation, their way. Looks like I’m staying my European-visiting ass home!

Peace

Another day in the (dating) life

I had a few minutes to spare yesterday evening so I checked my okcupid account (yes, I online date but perhaps this topic is best reserved for another post at another time). In my usual disinterested fashion I checked my matches and saw the all-time-high 98%match with <insertname>. I clicked on his profile, poked around a bit and noticed he was highly educated, close in age and reasonably attractive (win, win yes?). Fortunately I am the type to mull over a person’s profile before even considering making contact….sometimes days will pass before I bother to ‘put myself out there’.  I clicked a few other links, checked out photos, took note of his interests, and worked my way to the ‘questions’ page. (Caveat: For those of you who don’t know, the ‘questions’ section of okcupid allows you to answer preset questions about politics, religion, goals, kids, career, sex, relationships, etc in order to help others get to know you better. You can also rank the importance of these questions so that the okcupid robots…. err, I mean algorithm, can match you with like-minded individuals). Anyways I’m on his questions page and looking at questions that are important to him, and of course, his answers. ONLY TO FIND that Mr.98% match answered “Yes” to the question “Are you racist?” WTF!! Keep in mind that after answering each question on okcupid you are given the opportunity to ‘explain yourself’ if necessary. This area was left blank. I won’t bother to speculate further about the answer or this guy either, other than to say sometimes you NEED to judge a book by its cover – and this cover says No Coloreds Allowed!

From herein I ought to give greater consideration to the 45-75% match range since 98% somehow has a larger margin of error – work that math out and get back to me.

Peace